Saturday, February 21, 2015

I dove headlong into the Universe, a swan dive into a wave of wonder, stars cascading over me. Slipping through the cosmos, deeper and deeper it drew me. I breathed in the darkness, took it deep into my soul, traveling deeper and deeper into the darkness. Drawn like a magnet, through the depths of stars and plankton, fish the color of moonlight, carried along currents soft as velvet. And there she was. There she was in all her mysterious beauty, looking back at me, the secret of life and creation and the sacred story of time carried deep within her. And there she was, looking back at me.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I believe life is what you make it, that life can be just as fulfilling or tragic as you decide to make it. When I see wonder in the world, that's what I experience. When I focus on the tough stuff, well, life reflects that back to me in the same way. I really try to focus on the good stuff. Even so, sometimes life just gets hard. I'm not talking about the stuff that's really hard, some people have some real shit to deal with. I just mean the normal everyday tough stuff.

Last weekend, I got the same message from two different sources, to give up the hard part of trying. Give up the hard part of trying, what the heck does that mean? That's all there is in trying, the hard part. What's left without that? And so, I thought, I don't even know what that means. 

On my yoga mat, when I think I've reached my limit, and I try and hold a pose just a little bit longer, it's hard. I start believing that if I stay in that pose one more minute, I might die. I know, it's crazy, but in that moment, I honest to goodness think that if I don't come out of that pose, I might actually die. It's really hard. So isn't that what trying is? No? Okay, I just give up.

And that's when it hit me: Give up. Just give up, let go, quit trying so doggone hard to make it all happen. Give up the effort, give up the hard part of trying.

I know this stuff. This isn't rocket science. Just let go. The act of trying holds us back, impedes our progress, and I don't know about you, but it just flat wears me out. It makes me cranky. When I'm trying really, really hard and someone suggests it's not quite enough, I just snap. I'm TRYING! 

I'm trying. Yeah, and maybe that's the sparkling gem here. I'm trying. And maybe, just maybe, it's best to get out of the way and just let it happen.

Friday, February 13, 2015

What does it mean to 'be at home'? When you're welcomed into a friend's home and greeted with the invitation to make yourself at home, you feel at ease, right? Make yourself at home. I take a deep breath just hearing those words in my head.

I love my home, love the peace of home. And I love coming home, be it home from a long trip or just home from a long day, I love that feeling of walking in the door and being greeted by familiarity. I don't have to process anything new, I can just be and let the events of the day melt away like a popsicle sliding down its stick on a hot afternoon. The stress melts down my arm, drips onto the floor, leaving a trail at my feet.

Home is more than just a place to keep my stuff,  it's where I come to relax, to regenerate. It's where I create memories. My home nurtures my spirit and my relationships. It's where I create space for things that are important to me. It's where I cook and garden, it's where I write, gather with friends. My home is the backdrop for living.

Last Saturday during yoga, we set an intention to 'be at home' in our bodies. What a lovely concept, being at home in our bodies. Since then, I've tried to imagine what that means, and what it might look like to wake up every morning and invite my soul into my body, to immediately feel at home with the familiarity, to know this is a place to be at ease. I imagine an awareness of muscles tight from yesterday's work, and without being critical, just making a note - like noticing the towels need to be folded, or the grass needs to be cut. Yes, familiar, not critical, at home.

It's easy to be critical of our bodies, but at its core, our body is home to our soul. More a home than our house with its shingles and shutters, our body is our vehicle for life, allowing us to move through our days, nurturing our spirit, connecting with one another in this physical plane, and giving us this experience of life.

Be at home in your body. Give yourself permission to come in and relax. Every morning, warmly welcome your soul. Stretch and yawn and breath in this wonderful existence. Experience every lovely moment of your life in these beautiful bodies we call 'home'.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

My husband's a really smart guy. This is just one of the many things I love about him. We had lunch together yesterday. something we haven't done in such a long time. What's even nicer is the space it created for conversation. I think we talked more in those few hours than in the last three weeks combined. (I'm not really sure that's true, but we really talked a lot.)

He told me about a recent meeting he had with friends from his church, and shared with me some of his observations. We discussed atheism and agnosticism and apologetics, and it brought to mind something I'd thought about last week. I interpreted a sermon in which my favorite pastor spoke on the difference between faith and science, how Creationists have one set of beliefs and Evolutionists have yet another, but for him, the best set is a combination of both - that perhaps the evolutionary process was set in motion by the Divine.

I'm not always able to retain what I interpret, but every once in a while, something will stick in my head and later, pop back into my consciousness. That's what happened last week when Rev. Wes' words popped back into my head. Once upon a time, we believed beyond the shadow of a doubt that the world was flat. We didn't even consider proving it. What was there to prove? The world is flat. End of story. So what if your beliefs about God were like that? What if one day, you were to wake up with an insight that caused you to look upon your previous beliefs as something akin to the flat world concept?

What if: That's my spirituality. I don't have it all figured out, and I don't feel any need to. I don't think 'figuring it all out' is a requirement of this incarnation, and if I'm being honest, I'm a little skeptical of those who claim they have. Really, you've got it all figured out? I want to ask. You're sure of that?

For instance, is there life on other planets? No, you believe we're the only ones? You're sure of that? Maybe life here, on Earth, is just one of the many experiences our soul can choose. And why is that such a hard concept to grasp? Sometimes we're too afraid to let go of our particular religious life raft for fear we'll drown.

I don't mean to be harsh. I only know that I am loved. I know we all need to be loved, and that we're all in this together. I believe that we're watched over, and that at our very core, we each carry within us the essence of the Divine.

I don't really know much more, and I'm okay with that.